Jay VS Conan: An Epic Battle in the Making

This is Jay. Jay lives out in the dry western lowlands. His legal name is Aphelocoma Californica. He loves tall trees and high flying electrical wires and wooden posts. He prefers hanging out in oak woodlands and in pinyon-juniper woodlands as well as rolling pastures and fruit Orchards. He doesn't have a crest, but don't let that get you, because he never let's it get him down! Jay has cousins in Florida, Mexico, Arizona, and is venerated by the people of Toronto for some odd reason.

This, is Conan. Conan hails from the faraway land of Cimmeria. He has led a very difficult life, which has led to him fighting his way to the top. Literally. Conan was enslaved as young child by the evil raiders of Thulsa Doom. Who not only killed Conan's daddy in front of the child's face, but then proceeded to put him to work turning a wheel over and over again, until, though the magic of montage he worked his way up. He is famously quoted as saying that the best things in life are "To crush your enemies, to have them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.". But, he eventually finds himself and with the help of the brave Subotai and the vixenish Valeria, rids the world of James Earl Jones once and for all.

Now I don't understand what the big deal is... For the last 3-4 days the media has been going absolutely nuts about some sort of epic battle between these two and it ending in some sort of cancellation?  I can only guess that cancellation is a nice way of saying slaughter? It's really not a fair fight though if you think about it... Just look at the two. I think Jay is pretty much screwed here. Though he can fly away at any time, it wouldn't be considered a true victory. Conan on the other hand, can just sort of wait around until he gets one good swing.

What really gets my goat is that I don't understand why these two would ever be embroiled in battle... One is a bird, and the other is a barbarian. Aside from beginning with the letter "B", I can't find a similarity between the two. They don't even inhabit or frequent the same hot spots. One lives in Southwestern united states, one lives in a made up universe. They can't possibly breed, so it couldn't have anything to do with a romantic rival... The only possibility in my mind is that it's all being fabricated... Perhaps there is no actual beef between Jay and Conan, we are just being led so by somebody. But who would be in a position to put this supposed battle between Jay and Conan in the collective hive's mind... The media. Because right at this very moment these two guys are on the front page of EVERY major media outlet's website.

Come on guys, is a made up battle between a species of bird and a mythical barbarian really front page news to you?