The Great Internet Disconnect!

My humble readers, detractors, and just plain looker-overs, this is a public service announcement! Beginning February 1st, the Gordian ¬ blog will be disconnected for an entire month... Why? Because *I* your humble narrator will be disconnected for the month.

No, I will not be going into seclusion like "The Big Lebowski" did following the kidnapping of his wife Bunny.

No, I will not be on Sabbatical to the Island of Misfit Mascots.

No, I will not be indulging in a month-long crack binge, the cost of which will be offset by selling my PC.

No, I will not be going to Myanmar to rescue kidnapped Christian Missionaries a-la "Rambo".

I will be disconnecting for a month, and going back to the lovely Phone book, telephone, and Car payment coupons to get business done. I will be giving up my Google, my spell check, my online banking, my streaming video, and embracing a life of manual typewriters, library research, and *gulp* I will be taking my (no joke) 8-inch thick copy of the Complete Oxford Dictionary off the shelf if I can't figure our how something is spelled or what it means.

Why? Because secretly, I am a leather-clad whip loving masochist.

Actually no, that shit grosses me out... The reason *why* I am doing this is simple. I have had a computer in my life from the age of eight, and I have been connected to the "internet" since I was twelve, way back in 1992, when most of you wouldn't have known what in the hell LYNX was, or how to browse the web in text form, without clicky pictures... Before the days of winky emotes, when chat was done exclusively over IRC... when if you didn't know how to manually connect to a server, or had a basic working knowledge of UNIX you couldn't even get onto the internet... The latter days of dialup... the halcyon days of BBS'es... Ahhh I wax rhapsodic, forgive me my computer nerd soliloquy, I promise you I do have a point other than making you feel inept at computer use.

The point is that I have been using computers to communicate and gather/disseminate information since the days when a 286 with 640k of RAM and 1200 baud modem was considered BALLER! Over the years, I have become pretty damned good at scouring for information, and augmenting all that I know with all the internet has to offer, and my postulate ladies and gentlemen, is that it has made me dumber. Made *US* dumber. By leaps and bounds...

Some people have asked me why I am doing this, what I hope to gain out of it, what I expect, and how I will deal with the "inconveniences"... at them, I can merely shake my head and offer one simple example of the point I made above, in fact, I will make it to you right now! Tell me... How many phone numbers (that you've gotten POST cell phone [not from your youth]) do you have memorized?

Think about it for a second...

If you are like 90% of the people I have asked that question to, the answer is "none"... To the other 10% quit lying asshole. The true truth is that we all have given our minds over to the computer and to the internet. Even those of us who use it to read literature, or watch chemistry tutorials on youtube, rather than "viral videos" have turned over some very basic functions to the new idiot box, the computer! Such an efficient idiot box, that it will turn even the most intelligent into the aforementioned.

I studied literature, took grammar classes, linguistics, in college... But the other day, just for shits and giggles, I typed a whole page up on my typewriter and checked it for errors. You wouldn't BELIEVE how many errors there were. I believe we have all become far too accustomed to what I call "The squiggly red line" telling us that we are wrong, and giving us a right-click solution to our idiocy. In much the same way Google now finishes our sentences for us, these shortcuts do just what they are intended to do, rob us of the critical ability to reason and retain knowledge. 

During this month, I will have *zero* access to the internet or email. The only exceptions will be work-based, where my blackberry and outlook are more than mandatory... but since I work for one of the biggest banks in the world, believe you me I will not be surfing any recreational sites from work! In other words, if you want to get a hold of me, you'd better have my phone number or my address, and if you don't have them now and want them, you'd better ask before Monday Feb. 1st!

What will I be doing during this month? I reckon I will be more productive than I've been in years, but aside from that I will be writing a book based on this experiment. I will be journaling the trials and tribulations of a tech junkie going through withdraw daily, and I will be making my observations of the world of the connected as one of the disconnected. Honestly, I am very excited, I think this will be a fascinating experiment.

Make NO mistake! I love technology... I have a bad-ass desktop PC that I built from parts myself (as I have been doing for years), I have 2 blackberries, an iPhone, 2 laptops at work, a MacBook Pro at home, a media center extender in my living room, and a chip in my brain that tells me the RPM's of my CPU and case fans while I *SLEEP* I have over 5 terrabytes of storage, the fastest internet connection I can muster, a 5.1 surround system for my computer and a fully integrated music studio in my room connected VIA PC...I am not undertaking this experiment as a detractor of technology, a "hater" in todays retard-lingo, but rather as a lover of technology who wishes to analyze his dependence with an open mind!

It is my sincere hope that I will still have some readers left when I return... though given the fast-paced world we live in, I wouldn't be surprised if my "social network" was dead when I returned! I can only promise you this, I will be returning March 1st, with all new content, and a different view of our connected world! If you see fit to come back and visit me, I will be most happy! Otherwise, perhaps you'll buy my book at your local bookstore... in the 99 cent bin! I kid, I kid!

Until I return, my dearest friends and readers, I bid you a fond farewell! May our paths cross again! Untill March 1st, 2010! I remain, as always, your humble content provider...

-Jorge L. Sosa

Fox News: Why Look for Terrorists Abroad When They're *Right Here*

Terrorism: The systematic use of terror especially as a means of coercion.

This definition from Merriam-Webster is the generally accepted definition to most of us, because "terrorism" we are taught has nothing to do with the physical act but rather then intention to scare, panic, or terrorize. By this definition, Fox News, which for the last eight years was a right-wing media mouthpiece that touted a doctrine that President Bush could do no wrong, has now magically morphed into an organization that touts a doctrine that President Obama can do no right and by virtue of having a clear subversive, anti-government, treasonous agenda they now fit the definition of a group out to terrorize the US populace, both their viewers and non-viewers.

I actually watch Fox News every single night... Usually for no more than 20-40 minutes (while I'm eating dinner). For me it is an exercise in knowing your enemy, and it is something I recommend all people do whether or not they share my humble opinion that Fox is a treasonous organization trying very hard to subvert America whenever it is convenient to them.

For eight long years I watched idly as Fox called anyone who just *disagreed* with the president un-american. I watched congressmen being branded traitors, being branded terrorist sympathizers, non-patriots! For eight long years they justified everything, from giving billions in no-bid government contracts to Halliburton (Bush himself said we're gonna give these contracts to those who helped us). I watched them defend every hair-brained scheme, every aircraft carrier "Mission Accomplished" cod-piece flight suit bullshit, every WMD lie, everything! I watched, yes, I actually watched.

Which is why I was so very amused, and by amused I mean scared shitless, when suddenly on January 20th, 2009, the world inexplicably changed and we were now in danger, we were now on the brink of destruction. From one day to the next, before the President had even made a single decision, the scales had tipped. Since then, Fox news has, nightly, found some reason to criticize the president. He just *cannot* win in their eyes, no matter what he does!

I watched as he lengthened the wars, they criticized him.
I watched as he ordered a troop surge, they criticized him.
I watched as he rolled back the closure of Guantanamo Bay, they criticized him.

In other words, the president broke all his promises to *us* the ones who elected him, in order to try and make friends, in order to bridge the gap between left and right, and even when he did what they wanted, they found reasons to criticize him, to put him down, to warn us that the end was near.

I watched as Fox *blatantly* set the entire Tea Party Express bus rally into motion, yes, a supposed Media organization (You guys are supposed to be NEUTRAL) paying for and giving exclusive coverage to a subversive movement against the US government inspired by the American revolution, and QUITE poorly thought out, as today's problems have ZERO to do with Tea Tariffs or foreign occupying powers.

I watched as Fox News not only blessed, but fanned the flames of hidden camera "citizen journalism" that involved lying about identities, pretending to be under aged prostitutes and going into ACORN offices to solicit assistance. "So what!" you say... Those undercover ACORN busters did some good! (By stopping a fake situation from occurring [huh???]) Yeah, those undercover brothers did *really* good... How good? So good that today they decided to try it again! Except this time, their target wasn't a non-governmental agency... This time, their target was US SENATOR MARY LANDRIEU.

What this right-wing paranoid spin machine has brought us this time is no less than a treasonous criminal act... These same assholes actually dressed up and pretended to be Telephone repairmen, gained access to the Congresswoman's office, and then gained access to the Telephone room, where they (allegedly) planned to interfere with and/or tap the Senator's phone. Their cryptic message as the US Marshals wheeled them away to prison? "Veritas" which is latin for "truth". Another one of these "brave freedom fighters" exclaimed, "The truth shall set me free!" Sounds mighty extremist to me...

During President Bush's 8 year reign of mismanagement, misspending, and mayhem, even the most left of organizations did not drop to the infantile and dangerous level that Fox News has... Even the Daily Show, a comedy program, treated the President with more respect than Fox treats President Obama. This weekend, on both Saturday and Sunday, Fox aired a one hour primetime special entitled "Obama: In his Own Words" where they spent an hour playing Obama clips out of context, and then ripping on whatever he said. If this isn't "Unpatriotic" or "Subversive" I don't know what is! Whereas fox decried Senators and Congressmen as traitors for merely voting the other way, they are now openly slandering our sitting President during a time of war... What ever happened to "emboldening the enemy"? Does that no longer matter now that the other side is in power? It's pathetic, a double standard, hypocrisy of the highest order! I can say this, because in my personal blog I have been highly critical of President Obama for certain things I do not agree with, but always objectively... And when a no-name blogger is more objective than the #1 news station in the country, we have a real problem.

 Fox News *is* by definition a terrorist organization. They live to put down America's elected leadership (when it benefits them) and mock them openly before our enemies. After this Christmas Day attack (while the president was on vacation mind you...) they did nothing but criticize him for taking 2 days to issue a statement, when his predecessor took FOUR days to respond to the shoe bomber, another foiled terrorist attempt.

Why anyone with a rational mind would allow Fox to bring them their news is beyond me... It would be like watching Sesame Street and expecting cutting edge news reporting. But somehow, someway, people *fool* themselves into nodding their heads and agreeing, even if deep down inside they know it's untrue or that Bush had done the same and worse (spending, defense, homeland security, English grammar, etc.)... It is a human weakness to want to be *so* right that you'd let that which is wrong be your light in the storm.

Wake up! Fox News isn't objective... The only thing Fair about them is the quality of their programing, the only thing balanced about them is (probably) the picture frames hanging on their office walls...

Just When You Thought People Couldn't Get Any Dumberer...

A toy company comes along and proves me wrong! The fact that Mattel is now making a shift to marketing products for adults shows you just how brain dead your average American adult is... And please, don't even bother reminding me that there are already plenty of adult toys! I know there are, but I'm not talking about the Rabbit or the Peter North life-sized tongue depressor or the Ron Jeremy... enough examples. No, today I am talking about... *drumroll* PUPPY TWEETS! Yes, ladies, gentlemen, and grown children... Puppy-fucking-tweets... See that big beautiful dog in the picture sitting happily on his or her tummy obviously wanting to PLAY? See that obnoxious, ugly, blue plastic monstrosity around its neck? THAT is "Puppy Tweets".

If you hadn't guessed just by the name, "Puppy Tweets" allows your DOG to send twitter alerts! Anyone who knows me, knows that I think twitter is for twits. I'm sorry, but anything that tries to LIMIT intelligent expression to 140 characters (including spaces) is a detriment to communication and language! I also think that twitter, much the way Facebook does, encourages people to update statuses 1,000 per day... everyone out there has a friend (and we all do) who puts status updates like "Man I love stretching when I wake up in the morning!" followed 5 minutes later by "Man, that was the world's greatest piss!" And hopefully, after thinking about that friend you know exactly why I have a problem with the medium! I thought I had gotten over my twitter rage... I have learned to balance the majority of the worthless 'tweetards' with good stuff like helping to expedite relief efforts in Haiti and covering the Iranian revolts last year and have decided that the good makes it worth having around. But then Mattel had to, pardon the pun, screw the pooch and bring forth that rage once more!

So... How exactly does "Puppy Tweets" work? It's simple! Just connect your dog via USB to a computer (ok, actually you connect the device...) and then create a twitter account for said dog... Let's call the dog... I don't know... Penny. Once the dog has synched with the computer, your Puppy(tweet) is ready for a-c-t-i-o-n! The Puppy Tweet, is preloaded with a bunch of Tweets, that it will transmit whenever your dog commits a certain action... for example... and YES, these are all real...

*IF* Puppy runs around wildly, the device will tweet:
"I finally caught that tail I've been chasing and... OOUUUCHH!"

*IF* Puppy is taking a nap, the clever canine will tweet:
"Somedays it feels like my paw is permanently on the snooze button!"

*IF* Puppy is making a "ruckus" (Mattel's terminology, who knows WHAT exactly defines a "ruckus", you will receive a message telling you:
"YAHOOOOOOOOO! Somedays you just gotta get your bark on!"

Hello! Mattel? "Somedays" ISN'T EVEN A WORD! At least, at the very very least, don't make my dog poor at grammar... how would that reflect upon me as an owner in the Puppy Tweets-verse?! Besides, speaking as a dog owner, I can't count the number of times a day that my dog "runs around" or "takes a nap" would I be getting puppy tweets on my iPhone every ten minutes?

It is just... astounding... with the amount of important stuff going on in the world and the number of useful ways you could spend $29.99 that Mattel would even attempt this hair brained scheme. But worry not, this product has been well thought out, it wasn't just thrown together by some marketing moron, there is a method behind the madness! Here is what Susan Russo, Mattel's director of marketing had to say about "Puppy Tweets"

"Puppy Tweets capitalizes on two popular trends - the use of social media and real time communication, as well as peoples' extreme love for their dogs,"


Well run my undies up a flagpole and call me Stalin! If that doesn't qualify for some sort of Mad Men industry award, I don't know what will!


The sad thing is that this will sell... It will sell for the same reason diamond doggy collars, dog halloween costumes, silver feed bowls, and provocative puppy tanktops reading "Bitch" sell. Not because dogs want them, but because some people just have to fill a hole in their lives... Hey, it's ok! We've all got holes in our lives, and fill them in one way or another... Poetry, Alcohol, S&M, Crack cocaine, Transcendental Meditation, but at least those forms don't constitute humiliating another life form (one you supposedly love...). Dogs in sweaters, in Miami, piss me off... Dogs already have a sweater, it's called FUR! And dogs already have Twitter, it's called their tail, just look at it to know your dog's "status" Is it wagging? It probably wants to play or take a shit... Is it between it's legs? Then it's probably cold or scared. Dogs don't even need 140 characters! All they need is tongue and a wagging appendage...


Puppy Tweets? Puppy Tweets?! Jesus Christ give me a break...

Fixing the US Economy...

Is impossible.

See what I did there? You thought you were going to read something about fixing the US economy, then I dropped a polished turd right in your lap! In English, we call that "writin' good". But enough with the jokes ladies and gents, lets talk frankly here and air some grievances, in much the same way Frank Costanza would want, around the "Festivus pole", prior to the "feats of strength".

Our "countrymen" have essentially sold us for pennies, and as we all know once one has been sold for a bargain, it is nigh impossible to get the other party to sell you back for those same pennies. Our movies for many years have been full of shrewd business deals, where suckers get duped, richers get richer, and in the end, somehow, the villain inexplicably gets their just desserts. Except for that last part, movies are absolutely correct.

The biggest mistake we have made recently is believing that the bank barons at the top of the food chain were going to change their ways. We viewed them as children, who getting in over their heads came to mommy and daddy blubbering about failure and begging for a hot capital injection. We gave it to them and then some, only to be rewarded by a slap to the face. Our prodigal sons took the money and made record profits with it. Bravo! I mean, if they make more money, that means more jobs and opportunity and wealth being spread around to everyone right? Wrong. It meant record bonuses to their employees, a quick repayment of loaned funds (so that they could legally GIVE said bonuses), and one single greeting card to the tax payer... On the cover, it said "Thank You", on the inside it said "Fuck You".

It wasn't bad enough that we lent them money to buy up all of our assets when they cost pennies and were dragging on the floor, some of it coming from people forced to liquidate 401k and IRA money to survive after losing their job, OR, selling it fearing the end of the world. It wasn't bad enough that we bailed out mortgage companies and insurance companies along with these banks... No, the worst part is that the sweetheart deal with AIG made it possible for Golden Sacks to receive DOLLAR FOR DOLLAR the money due them in credit-default-swaps... You remember CDS' we talked about those a few months ago... Basically the government not only lent Golden $70,000,000,000 dollars, but also set them up to receive a super sweet insurance payout BECAUSE everything got screwed up. In other words, the economy being destroyed was the best case scenario for the succubi at Goldman.

Now, our president wants to seriously tie a noose around the necks of these sons of bitches to stop them from engaging in incestuous business practices! He basically (oversimplification) wants to enact a 21st century version of the Glass-Steagall act which would separate banks from brokerages from insurance companies. Great Cesar's ghost! I love this idea, I would have loved it even more had that original act never been repealed, but to hell with it, I'm going to celebrate the fact someone at the highest level finally realized this is a problem!

Or rather, I would be celebrating, were it not for one small detail... Some of the biggest perpetrators in this mess ONLY became chartered banks because they were forced to in order to qualify for TARP... If President Obama's legislation were to miraculously be enacted, these guys would drop their charters in a New York minute, and would do so grinning... As they are no longer under the auspices of the TARP program, they have nothing to lose and everything to gain by no longer being considered a bank.

Our domestic picture is very ugly my friends, and as I look around me and see people smile at these "indicators" and the "glimmers of hope" I can only sigh and try to restrain the tears of impotent anger that well up in my eyes. The stock market has been up in recent months, but is that to be believed? After the lid was blown off the rating agencies selling ratings last year I don't think I have a whole hell of a lot of faith in the market period. Who's to say Meredith Whitney or (insert your favorite analyst) isn't helping build a head of froth on this Cappuccino of High Finance before the short sellers come in and burst bubbles with a flourish and a pin-striped pin prick?

What most people who don't actively invest fail to realize is that you can make money when the market is going up, but you can make even *more* money when the market is going down! It's called short selling, and it is not for the faint of heart or pocketbook... Shorting (of the naked variety) is not the only market anomaly we should be concerned about. Have you ever heard of "Dark Pools" or "High-Frequency Trading"? Of course you haven't... and the brokerages wouldn't have it *any* other way. If you want a visual of what has happened to the markets over the years and how much manipulation takes place, there is a simple way to do it... Go to Google finance, pick a bellwether blue chip baby like General Electric (GE) or Ford (F) or a recently hot stock like Potash Corp (POT) and pull up the quote... at the top of the daily chart, you will be able to pick your timeline... after "10YR" there is a button that says "MAX" which will take your timeline out as far as it can go... just look at the stability of these stocks in the 70's and 80's... look at what started happening in the mid 80's... then the 90's... then today... You don't need a PhD in Economics or Finance to see there is something seriously amiss.

At the end of the day however, stock market manipulation matters most to those with the money to play the market, or with a job that offers retirement planning. Yes, it is of little import to the 10% (listed, not actual) of working age Americans without a job. And therein lies the deeper problem. I don't care if the Dow hits 18,000... If there is no work, there will be no fixing this economy, and the way I see it there is no work. Good luck asking Wal-Mart or Ford to bring manufacturing jobs back to America... Good luck asking the Chinese to forgive our near 1 TRILLION dollars of debt outstanding to them.

The way I see it we have committed the error of all empires before us, except that we have done it in a measly 200 years and in a different way. We have spread our tendrils financially rather than physically. We have conquered economies... Some among us have made themselves filthy rich by dealing with the devil and selling the rest of us into economic slavery. And now, regrettably, it is too late. Now we can only wait for the inevitable paradigm shift... On the bright side, once that shift happens there will be TONS of jobs in America! When the other shoe drops, the Chinese will put it on and we'll be sewing the NY Yankees jerseys. Problem is, we won't be able to afford buying them. If you want proof that there is no such thing as "too big to fail" just watch what happens to us.

If post apocalyptic movies and video games have taught me anything, and I mean anything, it's that now would be a good time to invest in 5.56mm NATO or .223 Remington... and no, those aren't hot stocks. Hmm... on second thought, maybe I shouldn't be taking financial advice from Mad Max.

To The Cast of MTV's "Jersey Shore":

Dear Troglodytes,

     As a person who has sat through your show once, at the urging of another, I can say fairly that this critique of your respective characters is not without its research. Now one may argue that one show is not enough to base an opinion on anyone, but in extreme cases such as yours I have to say that one episode is 5/6th of an episode more than I need to render judgement. Your program (and by virtue of it being "reality" you as well.) is a cesspool of human misery. In the one episode I saw, two different people got into two different fights, and one wretched hunched over homonculus by the name of "Snookie" proceeding to whore herself out for lack of a better term to some complete stranger with her loving mother's approval.

     Mind you, it isn't the accents, it isn't the Ed Hardy douchebag gear, it isn't the first pumping, and it isn't the spray on orange tan that makes you guys look like metrosexual polymorphed carrot people. Not at all! And it would be just as shallow and low class of me to use that as a base to attack your character as it is for you steroid-addled "guidos" (YOUR term, not mine) to punch women in the face. No my dear pigment-challenged friends, the true travesty, the true lack of character and understanding is that you lack the simple ability to realize what a set of first-class assholes you are, and what a disservice you are doing to your fellow Americans, by portraying yourselves as apelike and giving people the idea that your lifestyle choice should be venerated, or even worse, emulated. In olden days, characters like you would have been kept locked in the basement and only brought out of confinement for very special family occasions, more often than not being left to dine on stale bread and cabbage, beating metal pots against the bars like "Ruprecht the Monkey Boy", while the rest of your sane family members did their best to be productive members of society.

     Now however, in some sort of "The Dumb Shall Inherit The Earth" paradigm shift, your particular brand of mindless delusional existence is considered hip. I call this new style "Trailer Train wreck Chic" and it's sweeping the nation! It would be unfair of me to blame this on your show directly, as you are not the first, but merely the latest, in a long line of programming meant to bring us down to your level. I do however place the blame on any who would take a buck at the cost of their dignity and the greater damage they are causing to humanity as a whole. I would venture to say your affects are worse than heroin, because at least children are taught to stay AWAY from heroin and just by looking at a junkie for ten minutes would have that message cemented into their pliant little minds. But you guys and gals, and I use those terms loosely, are glamorizing the very things that are tearing our civilization apart.

     Today I read in the New York Post, and god knows why *any* publication would give you morons the time of day, that you all want a raise, that you want $10,000 each per episode next season. Congratulations, because you will get it, because apparently 4.8 million people enjoy train wrecks or really think you guys are neat-o enough to have watched your season finale. But let me ask, why do you guys deserve that money? Seriously, what do you bring to this world? Of what benefit is your vapid little piss fight of a television program, which is little more than cameramen following you around while you do the exact same things you'd do if there weren't one? In other words, why do you deserve a raise?

     Well, according to "Snookie" (which where I come from is the diminutive form of "Snook" a BIG NOSED fish) and I quote, "When we try to go to TGI Friday's or Applebee's, we can't eat because people go crazy." Well, that explains everything! You need a raise an entire ORDER OF MAGNITUDE because people like to say hello to you at Applebee's... Unless of course you mean people go crazy in the pull out a gun and kill random strangers crazy, in which case I totally agree that you are deserving of a large raise! But that isn't happening is it guys? I bet if anyone were to pull a gun at applebees, it would be one of you testosterone-hopped muscle heads.

     It seems folks, that we have a situation here, no, not you, "The Situation", so please sit down and quit pumping your fist in the air, you are getting spray on tan all over the upholstery... The situation is that a bunch of brain dead Jersey brats who don't deserve the measly pay they are getting now, are asking for more money than most professionals make in a year. Now, think about this guys... if you weren't the brain dead Jersey brats in question, would you not be opposed to this? I know subjectivity isn't the strong suit of single-brain-celled organism such as yourselves, but please try for a moment to view something from an outside point of view. If you could do so, I have no doubt that even the dumbest among you would punch the person you see in your mind's eye in the face.

    In summation, you don't deserve a raise. Fact is, you don't deserve a show! And although neither of these are within my power to deny you, a nice, curt, open letter is within my power to deliver! If I were the MTV executive who greenlit this show, upon seeing the first episode, I would have felt a deep and lingering shame... But, after reading that 4.8 million otherwise (mostly) intelligent human beings wasted an hour of their lives on your season finale, you would have found me in my office, decked out in my ritual whites, with my entrails spilling onto the ground after I committed seppuku for dishonoring the world by bringing breath to your fecal opus... My death poem, written in the traditional tanka style, would read simply;

Waves pound upon shore,
Seagull's cry, by cackle broke.
Tears come to my eyes,
While night embrace my shoulders,
"Situation" is ended.

How the West Was Won...

"Because speech is an essential mechanism of democracy -- it is the means to hold officials accountable to the people -- political speech must prevail against laws that would suppress it by design or inadvertence,"


This gem was uttered by, rather, written by United States Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy. I'm a lover of political speech and engage in it often, many times with zesty and unpredictable results. I would normally stand in the aisles and applaud the supreme court decision to roll back a law that restricted the right of the people to speak freely about their elected officials... But what bothers me, is that the quote above is not in reference to people, well, at least not technically.


Our word "Corporation" comes from the past tense of the Late Latin verb "Incorporare" which is "Incorporatus". These words  derive from "In" and "Corpus", which is where we get our word incorporate in all it's senses. Incorporating sugar into butter when we make cookies, incorporating slang into language, and incorporating (sometimes) hundreds of thousands of people into a body. Either way the result and process is the same, in "incorporation" the parts come together into a whole. Embodiment. To give material form. A Golem. 


I guess one could make the tenuous connection between a corporation and a person... If they had a reason or were prone to taking things *WAY* too literally. It seems The Supremes have taken things way too literally in their 5-4 decision yesterday in the case of "Citizens United v. FEC". This ruling rolls back restrictions stopping corporations from spending unlimited amounts of money in federal campaigns. There were a whole line of others who take things way too literally, and applauded the decision as a protection of "first amendment rights", as if a giant worldwide conglomerate has any constitutional rights... As if "We The People" would have included the likes of Wal-Mart... Just because they have a smiley face in the logo, doesn't mean they possess a soul, or spirit, or heartbeat or whatever it is you used to classify something as human or alive!


Ultimately this decision will make it easier for the largest companies in the world to buy up more airspace than anyone else. To run attack ads because Candidate (a) campaigned against the company's practices, or any of a number of reasons. If you think corporations already run this country (as I tend to) just wait until they aren't restricted in their spending... This spits in the common sense reason corporations were initially formed. They made *sense* at a time, but have over the centuries become something altogether different. A "person" can do very little... a "person" cannot afford TV air time... a "person" is limited by their sphere of influence... A corporation is *not* a person. And I am terrified that the judiciary, which I often consider the most tempered of the branches, could have considered, much less ruled in this way, on this constitutional travesty.


Of course, there were dissenters... 4 of them to be exact, and bravo to them... In his officially written and caustic dissent, Justice John Paul Stevens said it best... 


"The financial resources, legal structure,and instrumental orientation of corporations raise legitimate concerns about their role in the electoral process. Our lawmakers have a compelling constitutional basis, if not also a democratic duty, to take measures designed to guard against the potentially deleterious effects of corporate spending in local and national races."


Rest in peace America

Oh Pat, Pat, Pat...

The world is full of insensitive people. I should know, sometimes I am one of them... But it takes a special kind of asshole to kick people when they are down... Pat Robertson, the aforementioned asshole, takes being so to a whole new level. I have seriously disliked this guy for a very long time, for his hateful, sexist, racist comments. I know the world at large may not be familiar with old Patty boy's comments (and you're probably better of for it) but in hopes of putting a dent in this guys holier than thou image, I would like to take a moment to recount some of his best moments, I am calling them "Robertson's Rowdiest"

Let's start with this one, because to me it's an example of the pot calling the kettle black...

"Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history."

Hold on there sparky... I've never met a homosexual who wanted to destroy Christians. Unless of course the Christian in question is Pat Robertson, and even then, probably not. This quote is almost stupid enough not to comment on. Almost. First of all, Christians are NOT a minority in this country, and to paint them so is ignorance or willful subterfuge. So which one is it? In Pat's case, I would tend to say its a sublime melange of both. Ignorant, yes, because only an ignorant jackass of a human would ever, soberly, say the following:

"The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

Seriously Robertson? Kill their children? Practice witchcraft? This guy should have been born in Salem back in the colonial days... What's next? Throw feminists into the lake, if they float, burn them? If he had his way, he probably would... Or maybe not, because Pat is *all* about the fire and brimstone, and his god is a vengeful god... Don't believe me? Hear it from the horse's mouth!

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected him from your city. And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for his help because he might not be there."

So what exactly did the Doverites do? Did they engage in feminist witchcraft? Did they eat babies? No... They took out mention of intelligent design from their textbooks. Apparently, that's enough to piss Robertson's progenitor off and cause you to make the "shit list" as it were... But it doesn't end there folks, no, not at all! Pat blames disasters on all kinds of things... Mostly gays, or wanton sexual ways... 

In fact, he nodded his head in agreement when fellow hate monger Jerry Fallwel blamed the 9/11 attacks on the ACLU, Liberals, Gays, and Pagans... Yeah, he literally nodded his head and said "I agree completely!" Not to mention this was said right after the attacks, when Americans were terrified, demoralized, and in mourning. 9/11 wasn't a big deal at all to Robertson... In fact, he considers it nothing compared to the danger of "activist judges" as is evidenced by this next gem:

"Over 100 years, I think the gradual erosion of the consensus that's held our country together is probably more serious than a few bearded terrorists who fly into buildings."

Sure Pat! Change is definitely worse than an attack on America's financial center that leaves thousands dead and millions traumatized! See, these are but a few examples of the hatred evident in this man's heart. The scariest thing to me is that if you see him on TV, or in the pictures, he is *always* smiling... But then again, the Joker was always smiling, yet he was a rather unpleasant fellow. 

Pat has, over the years, put his foot so far into his mouth that his big toe tickles his tonsils on a regular basis, but what he said yesterday, in the immediate aftermath of the tragedy in Haiti, was nothing but hateful. Plain and simple. I have had a love/hate relationship with Pat Robertson since I was very young, I used to watch the 700 club when I was a kid on summer vacations because I loved the insanity of it, I have always been amused by hate-mongers for Jesus (or any religion for that matter) because they are the ultimate hypocrites, and I get a laugh out of hypocrisy! But yesterday he crossed the line, what he said yesterday is inexcusable in my eyes, and I couldn't even muster a smile at his stupidity...

"It may be a blessing in disguise. ... Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other." 

Utterly disgusting... This man is on the same level as Pastor Fred Phelps, that is, crawling on the ground, beneath the mud. Whatever pact with the Devil Haiti signed, pales in comparison with whatever deal he made... after all, it is impossible for me to fathom this sort of ignorance having an audience and followers without the help of the dark powers.

The Smallest of Gestures Can Make The Biggest of Differences...

The Buddha once said (in another language) "Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike; each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little.". Anyone who follows the goings on in the Caribbean, as those of us in South Florida tend to, knows that over the years the people of Haiti have suffered greatly... And those of us who live in Miami are no strangers to Haitian culture, and most of us know at least a few Haitian people in our personal lives. I have always been endeared to the Haitians... They are among the hardest working, polite, cheerful, and pleasant people to know. In spite of being the poorest nation in the western hemisphere, in spite of being abused not only by foreign powers but by their own elected leaders, in spite of having to leave their homeland to staff the hotels and kitchens in Miami, they retain a pride in their culture, cuisine, language, and values. I highly respect that, and in my experiences and time among the Haitian community, I have been humbled by them.

Yesterday, Haiti suffered a 7.0 magnitude earthquake. Not living in an earthquake area, I have to count on the experiences of others who tell me this is, though not catastrophic, pretty damned bad. In fact, two days earlier northern California experienced a 6.5 magnitude quake... .5 of a magnitude in difference right? Only on the scale... But if you stop to look at the result, you wouldn't just need to construct a new scale, you'd have to construct a new system.

The tragedy of the Haitian earthquake is in the already crumbling infrastructure of the island... For decades, Haiti has been in a state of perpetual decomposition, falling apart at the seams as it were... And although western powers and aid agencies have tried to do something to help, the help has always come short of what is needed. This is not at all a critique of any aid, after all, it isn't mandatory to help anyone else, and even if the help is minimal, even if it's ten dollars, it's ten more dollars than they had before... This, is the entire point of this message.

According to early estimates, sources within the country are placing casualties anywhere between 100,000-500,000 people... Insiders have reported piles of corpses pulled from rubble, cities (even the capital) leveled, in ruins... It is for that very reason that I, although I am not Haitian, or have Haitian family, have decided that this cause deserves my attention, and by virtue of mine, yours, my humble readers.

I stopped to think this morning about what it would be like to suffer this sort of tragedy, and all my imagination fell short... I was in Miami during Hurricane Andrew, and remember driving through Homestead... it looked like those pictures you saw in school of the Hiroshima bomb... You could see four blocks down from any spot, because every house was a pile of rubble... There were no street signs left, there were no street lights left, and if it weren't anchored to the earth itself I am certain there wouldn't have been any streets left. Even then, even with all of that destruction the casualties were minimal, because in America our cities are well built (even if the houses weren't up to code) and our hospitals are well staffed.

Although we are hundreds of miles away, Haiti is our neighbor. And no matter what faith, ethos, party, or philosophy you subscribe to, pretty much all of them extol the virtues of helping your neighbor. Our neighbor needs our help right now, and I am here to tell you how you can!

The easiest thing one can do, which would still be of immense help, would be to donate $10 to the Red Cross VIA text message! It's very simple, all you need to do is text HAITI to 90999. You will then receive a follow-up txt asking you to confirm your $10 red cross donation by responding YES to the text message. With that, $10 will be added to next month's phone bill for your donation. Quick and instant!

If you wish to give more, there are several organizations taking donations to aid Haiti... Wycleff Jean's foundation is collecting, and you can go to their website at http://www.yele.org you can also give money VIA UNICEF's collection at: http://www.unicefusa.org/news/releases/unicef-urgently-appeals-for.html. However you choose to help, I hope sincerely that you will... At the end of the day, we are all each other's keeper. And if we cannot count on one another, regardless of race, creed, or nationality, then what good is our "humanity"?

Personally I gave my ten dollars VIA text this morning, and am going to give more VIA website now... because the more I think about it, the more blessed I feel for everything I have in my life and the more I want to help those who need it so much more than myself... The fact is, the cost of a movie ticket, or 2 lattes at Starbucks might save lives... When you compare those things, is there even a comparison to be made? I don't think so.

Jay VS Conan: An Epic Battle in the Making

This is Jay. Jay lives out in the dry western lowlands. His legal name is Aphelocoma Californica. He loves tall trees and high flying electrical wires and wooden posts. He prefers hanging out in oak woodlands and in pinyon-juniper woodlands as well as rolling pastures and fruit Orchards. He doesn't have a crest, but don't let that get you, because he never let's it get him down! Jay has cousins in Florida, Mexico, Arizona, and is venerated by the people of Toronto for some odd reason.

This, is Conan. Conan hails from the faraway land of Cimmeria. He has led a very difficult life, which has led to him fighting his way to the top. Literally. Conan was enslaved as young child by the evil raiders of Thulsa Doom. Who not only killed Conan's daddy in front of the child's face, but then proceeded to put him to work turning a wheel over and over again, until, though the magic of montage he worked his way up. He is famously quoted as saying that the best things in life are "To crush your enemies, to have them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.". But, he eventually finds himself and with the help of the brave Subotai and the vixenish Valeria, rids the world of James Earl Jones once and for all.

Now I don't understand what the big deal is... For the last 3-4 days the media has been going absolutely nuts about some sort of epic battle between these two and it ending in some sort of cancellation?  I can only guess that cancellation is a nice way of saying slaughter? It's really not a fair fight though if you think about it... Just look at the two. I think Jay is pretty much screwed here. Though he can fly away at any time, it wouldn't be considered a true victory. Conan on the other hand, can just sort of wait around until he gets one good swing.

What really gets my goat is that I don't understand why these two would ever be embroiled in battle... One is a bird, and the other is a barbarian. Aside from beginning with the letter "B", I can't find a similarity between the two. They don't even inhabit or frequent the same hot spots. One lives in Southwestern united states, one lives in a made up universe. They can't possibly breed, so it couldn't have anything to do with a romantic rival... The only possibility in my mind is that it's all being fabricated... Perhaps there is no actual beef between Jay and Conan, we are just being led so by somebody. But who would be in a position to put this supposed battle between Jay and Conan in the collective hive's mind... The media. Because right at this very moment these two guys are on the front page of EVERY major media outlet's website.

Come on guys, is a made up battle between a species of bird and a mythical barbarian really front page news to you?

The Virtues of the French Press

I woke up this morning, and I could not feel my fingers or my toes. I was wrapped up like one of those old people in the movie "Cocoon" except I was in my bed, wearing clothing and socks. Suffice it to say South Florida doesn't have many frigid winter nights and subsequent (and in this case consequent as well) frigid winter mornings. My home's central cooling system, unequipped with no heater element as it is, affords me no temperature modulation. Meaning that on cold nights I freeze, and as the night gets colder, the interior of this house which is all tile and wood and vaulted ceilings becomes an icebox. After a few days of this sort of weather, the house becomes permanently cold and all in it must suffer the arctic existence or turn to other measures of warming up. Enter, the cup of coffee.

Coffee drinking, though not as old as tea drinking, has been an integral part of many cultures going back hundreds of years. The origins of the drink are unclear, but the consensus seems to be that the drink originated in northern Africa and the middle east. Interestingly, coffee drinking in America is incredibly popular, my guess as to why this drink rather than Tea is the drink of the day (as it is to our ex-overlords the British) has to do with the event in Boston harbor during the revolutionary war. I am no anthropologist and can do nothing but venture a guess. But the fact remains, Americans love coffee! But this has caused a real problem... The problem is, when Americans love and must have something, industry starts spinning its wheels, trying to figure out how to make it faster, cheaper, easier. Sounds like a win/win for everybody right? Wrong...

The first time I tasted coffee out of a French Press, it was like opening my eyes for the first time. I was taught to drink it straight, no cream, no sugar. The concept of this scared me, because frankly, coffee to me always tasted kind of bitter and acidic, even with spoons of sugar and laboratory-formulated non-dairy creamers. As the velvety liquid, viscous with a wispy brown foam reminiscent of a good espresso crossed the expanse of my taste buds I was drawn, for the first time ever into the taste and even-more-pleasant aftertaste of real coffee. You know that smell of coffee, whole coffee, that people know (even non-coffee drinkers sometimes!) and love? Imagine being able to taste it. Such, is the advantage of the French Press. Perhaps, it is not the press itself but rather the steps one must take before the finished product is ready to drink. Mainly, the grinding and the brewing.

You probably drink your Coffee in the office, or on the go... Even if you make it at home, you probably buy the stuff that comes in the bricks, or the cans, or god-forbid the freeze-dried instant crystals of dehydrated coffee... Most people see nothing wrong with this, but let me ask you, if it were another food, say... steak, would you compare a re-hydrated piece of beef Jerky to a prime, center-cut fillet of beef? I don't think you would mistake those two, and coffee should be no different. If you are drinking anything other than coffee ground from whole beans right before you use them you are missing the show for want of looking at the carpet on the floor.

Vacuum-sealed coffee is completely fresh, 100%, as it exists in a dark, airless environment and as such does not oxidize, but, the minute you pop that seal and hear that refreshing hiss you are up against the clock, and oxidation is a very impatient process. Whole beans also have a shelf-life, and not a very long one, but the upside is that you know what you're getting, you are grinding it yourself, and you know there are no byproducts or additives, just pure, 100% roasted beans.

The other thing that makes French Press coffee superior in my opinion is the time it takes to steep. If you've ever observed your coffee-maker at work, you will notice that almost as soon as the water pours out, it begins pouring out the other end brown. This is supposed to be coffee, but in my opinion it lacks all the flavor and character of real coffee. Sure, it's a finer grind, supposed to brew faster, but the French Press has the coffee suspended in water for 4 entire minutes before you drop the plunger and drink it. That's four minutes for flavor to infuse out of the grind... By the way home-gamers, do *NOT* ever, ever, use fine grinds in a French Press, the bitter, chalky, poison that results will turn your stomach.

At the end of the day, the French Press is cumbersome and takes time... You have to boil the water, you have to measure and grind the beans, you have to wait 4 minutes, you have to push a plunger... You cannot simply set the machine to go off at 6am and wake up to hot coffee... But what you will wake up to is ten minutes of work followed by a few minutes of sheer ecstasy.

If you love coffee, it's worth trying... You don't even need to go buy a fancy press and a bunch of coffee and a grinder. Just go to Starbucks and order a pot of French Press coffee, it's like 3-4 dollars, and they will do all the work for you. Just remember, before you go killing the flavor with Half and Half and lab created artificial sweeteners, try it as is. You won't regret it.

The "Move Your Money" Campaign... A Pyhrric Victory If Ever There Was One

The story of King Pyrrhus of Epirus is one many Americans are not familiar with, as it has nothing to do with dead celebrities of the time or Singing/Dancing/Cooking contests, but it is one that bears recounting, especially in today's wild and crazy time. Pyrrhus is famous for two battles in which he actually *beat* the mighty Romans! Beat them so hard that it lost him nearly all of his men... He is famously quoted as saying "Another such victory and I will return to Epirus alone...". Since then, the term has come to mean winning a battle that ended up costing you more than the loss would have... You see, what ended up happening in both cases is that Pyrrhus' camp suffered insurmountable losses while the Romans, though losing both battles, quickly brought fresh bodies to the front lines and seemed to suffer nothing.

This story comes to mind when I think of Arianna Huffington's newest campaign "Move your money" which seems to be garnering American media attention and the attention of angry, disgruntled Americans who are sick and tired of paying fees to the mega-banks and want to stick it to the man.

There were a great many factors that led to the horrible crisis we are in today, many of them are governmental in their obscure Origins...Some of them are the fault of the Federal Reserve, some of them are the fault of the big banks, and yes, some (a great many) of them are OUR fault.

I think the reason this campaign targets consumer bank accounts and the consumer banking channels is because it's easy. There, I said it. It's easy to put a face to the evil mega-bank you go to, the evil bank that charged you $140.00 when you overdrew x4. (even though the simple truth is that YOU overdrew the account due to your irresponsibility or ineptness [and yes, I've had overdrafts too]) But is your neighborhood bank employee the one who received $70 billion dollars in Bailout funds and turned it into the BIGGEST PROFIT EVER EARNED ON EARTH a mere year later? No, Goldman Sachs did... But do you see the Huffington campaign going against them? No. Why? Because it's easier to say "Close your bank account, go to a credit union!" How exactly is this going to help the situation?

Anyone who has read my blog for a time knows that I have been absolutely *screaming* my head off about this "crisis" since it began, even before! As someone with a unique view into it (that being, an educated one) I saw people around me make the same stupid mistakes which ultimately had zero to do with the large banks. I watched the government bail out Wall Street while no one said anything but "boo hoo hoo" not taking the time to write congress or call them, to draft a petition against the irresponsible, incestuous, relationship between the Fed and the Street. Watched as I screamed about Goldman, about AIG, about Credit Default Swaps, and no one else did... And now, I am watching as a poorly-thought-out grass roots campaign threatens to bring on a whole new round of bailouts!

Wait a minute whaaaaat? Yes folks, you heard me right! This will bring about new and exciting bailouts for all... Why? Because it's common sense. What people don't seem to understand is that their checking accounts and savings make up a small, small, amount of a commercial bank's total activities. And yes, on the surface it may seem that if everyone pulls their money out at once (bank run) the bank will become illiquid/insolvent... But consider this. What is solvency?

The banking system itself sets the ratios at which a bank is considered insolvent, and all they really need to do is lower or altogether suspend it in order to save a bank from going under. They haven't as of yet because this is considered a drastic step in the economic world, and is a very worrisome sign. But so is a campaign getting national media coverage who's aim is to bring down the big banks... While yes, it is true that I have advocated that people move their accounts to a Credit Union, I am only one person, and the impact I make is a ripple in a vast ocean. It is very, very, dangerous for a so-called "media" outfit to throw their considerable weight behind a poorly-thought out idea such as "move your money".

As I said, the reserve ratios will more than likely not change... What most likely will occur is that the government will step in to bail out these banks again using our tax dollars. Why? Because although no one wants to admit it, there is such a thing as "too big to fail". It is incredibly short sighted to not think of the hundreds of thousands of people a single one of these banks employs. It is incredibly short sighted to not think about the billions upon billions of your grandma and grandpa (and YOUR) retirement accounts which these people manage... The tens of billions of commercial mortgages...Credit Unions are great, I am a member of my local CU, but they don't handle any of these complex operations, bottom line!

In my multi-part series about financially empowering yourself, I soberly discuss personal finance ad nauseum, but this video put out by Huffington which has gained a head of steam faster than a double triple cappuccino is nothing of the sort... it is a short clip showing black and white movie nostalgia. It is a call for passion, not a call for thought and it is dangerous. 

I am a big fan of the Huffington Post, in fact, you will see their headlines prominently RSS'ed on the side of my blog. Why? Because I think they deliver news quickly and effectively. But this campaign is not news, it's an opinion formulated over dinner by a few people... To use a news outlet to distribute personal opinions is troublesome to me... It's what Fox News does... And I would be a world-class hypocrite if I didn't make this point just because it's coming from "my side"...

This campaign threatens to derail our economy even more, end of story. Because these banks will *not* be allowed to fail, and moving your money from A to B will cause nothing but your money from C (taxes) being diverted to them, rather than to improve your roads, pay down national debt, or get you health care. Is that really a victory? Even King Pyhrrus would say WTF... (In Greek of course)

Being Offended by someone's opinion is no Reason to Threaten people in real life.

If you don't like someone's opinion, just threaten them. Empathy, Compassion, etc. indeed...

Timmy... Timmy... Timmy...

I've been complaining about this tax-cheating son of a whore since he got appointed to his position, and I'm not about to stop now, because this time I was *right* (months ago) and the only thing I like more than fried chicken and sex is being right. It gives me an erection of the ego, or as I call them egorections, which tend to last much longer and be much more fulfilling than actual erections. For those of you who get your news from TMZ and don't know who this man is, he is Tim Geithner, our beloved Secretary of the Treasury. For you TMZ guys, this doesn't mean he answers phones and screws the boss after hours, it means he is in charge of the Treasury department. People seem to have this missconception that the Treasury department = The central bank (Federal Reserve in our case), but this could not be further from the truth. It's function is to act as the regulator of the government's purse strings... This includes the collection of tax monies and prosecution of tax cheats (Which Geithner actually is) as well as supervising the Federal banking system (bullshit). He is the head of the department tasked with protecting us from the ne'er-do-wells who would take us to the cleaners and fleece us if given the opportunity. In this capacity, Timmy has failed.

To be fair and balanced, I will preface the following with this disclaimer... what Timmy the Tax Cheat did, was done during his tenure at the New York Federal Reserve, and not in his current role as Secretary of the Treasury, but seriously, is this the type of person who should have been tapped to do this job? I don't think so... Homey don't play that.

It has now come to light that Timmay and staff requested that embattled insurer AIG *hide* details from the public (Public company, not allowed) pertaining to the moronic repayment at 100% of credit default swaps to the big Wall Street banks, especially Golden Sacks (I covered this topic months ago, October 15th to be exact...). The most disturbing part of this is that AIG was *trying* to re-negotiate the terms of these CDS's with the big banks, basically telling them "Negotiate, or fuck you." when the NY Fed stepped in and put the kibosh on any such negotiation. Even worse, they insisted that AIG leave out mention of this in its report to the SECURITIES AND EXCHANGE COMMISSION...

In the end, Timmy's boys and girls and their manipulations cost "we the people" nearly 28 Billion dollars... This was the "secret bailout" (Which I covered on October 13th of last year) that helped Golden Sacks make record profits last year. Basically, the NY Fed (Most powerful branch of the Federal Reserve) strong armed us into wasting tax dollars to make their rich friends richer... After all, Wall Street and Madison Ave are located in New York, why wouldn't they? I can only hope that this man will be fired from his position and disgraced in the world of finance, I say "only hope" because it probably won't happen...

I now return you to your regularly scheduled news (You know, the stuff you care about)... Poor Tila Tequilla... what ever will she do without her dead drug addicted spoiled brat heiress of a lesbian lover???

Hey Gun Toting Retards... Quit Screwing it up for the Rest of Us!

These are .45 caliber rounds. GAP and ACP respectively. They are chock full of gunpowder, and as you can tell by the picture have a pretty big and damned nasty bullet which may enter your body and exit leaving a hole in your back big enough to see a panoramic view of the city through it... Ok, so I exaggerate, it will however do some serious damage. Serious enough that any human being would be wise to steer clear of one of these bullets being fired from a gun.

*THIS* is a .45 ACP blank. It has all the BANG of a .45 ACP round, without the deadly projectile that will seriously injure or kill anything crossing it's path. To recap, it's the same size and shape, and has the same amount of gunpowder and primer as the rounds above, except it lacks a projectile to do the killing... Now why would anyone want one of these rounds? I mean, after all, bullets are meant to kill and should never be fired unless it is for self defense right? Well not so fast kemosabe... sometimes in TV or Movies you need the muzzle flash and the loud bang bang without actually making anyone a widow in the process, likewise, starting a race would be MUCH deadlier if people didn't use starter pistols filled with blanks. Interestingly, they also have certain construction applications! I've seen guns that rivet into concrete that use .22 caliber blanks to provide the "UMPH" needed to drive the rivet.

In my opinion, there is one more application to which these little beauties are well-suited which is *NOT* killing people... Does that sound like common sense to you? Well, I wish brain dead gun toting retards in a densely populated city would consider this before 6 year old Italian tourists had to end up in THE FUCKING HOSPITAL, shot in the stomach, just for eating dinner...

I've pulled out this banner before, and I'm going to do it again... Yes, I am a liberal, yes, I am a member of the NRA, yes, I own several guns... No, this is not your "typical" liberal trying to reason that guns should be banned. But I am smart enough to know that when people aim guns in the air and shoot them off, and little innocent six year old kids trying to celebrate New Year's get shot in the stomach, nearly missing their heart, in the process, legislation happens, because people lose their minds over tragedy, and really, who can blame them?

Bullets travel hundreds (if not thousands) of feet per second, they are invisible to the naked eye (unless you are Neo from the matrix) so why would you need to fire actual live rounds from your firearm instead of blanks? In fact, why would you need to fire ANY rounds from your gun?! That's what the goddamned fireworks are for! Guns are meant to kill people, that's it. You should not fire a gun with a live round in it unless you aim to kill something/one. You should never aim a gun as a joke, because the message of a loaded weapon is unmistakable "Die."

There is something worse about this tragic shooting... Yes, something worse than an innocent six year old boy being shot in the stomach... Miami's reputation (if it wasn't before) is now completely shot, no pun intended... The European media has absolutely been ON FIRE with this story since 01/01... And as a city with no industry but tourism, and few jobs other than tourism, we would be absolute morons to drive away the people with money who want to come here and unwind. Remember when the German tourists got shot in Miami back in the 90's? This is much worse, this is a little boy and his parents. Nothing pulls the heartstrings like suffering children. The media loves this, and as most of Europe isn't at war on 2 fronts or have distractions like the Balloon Boy and Octomom, guess where all the attention is going? Nice going numbnuts... drive away the only industry we have left in this godforsaken ghost town.

Personally, I think the whole practice of shooting guns in the air on new years is retarded, flat out retarded... I can *maybe* sympathize if you are out in the middle of nowhere, with no neighbors for miles, and you have no fireworks and want a little bang bang to celebrate the new years (sympathize, but don't agree with it)... But in Miami, in the design district, which is pretty densely populated at night? Give me a break asshole, put your piece away and try to find some other way to psychologically make up for your pencil dick.

The Dangers of Letting Strangers into Our Homes.

This, if you didn't already know by the smug face, is TV personality Glenn Beck. I call him a TV personality because this man is *not* a reporter. In fact, he was accepted into Yale into some program for "unlikely students" and dropped out after one class, and it wasn't even a journalism class. Personally I think the man is a venomous opportunist who switches sides on an issue whenever it is convenient (as he did on health care), Glenn Beck's show is an hour of utter madness, you would think the world was going to end any second if you randomly tuned in and didn't know who he was. His weapons of choice are crying, yes, literally crying, or staring up at the ceiling with his big puppy dog eyes, doing a sort of faux prayer. But I defend his right to have his programs and his crazy little radio show where he cries and plays "chicken little" for millions of listeners a day. It is his right, he's a business, and as long as he pays taxes I don't care. Even if he is a total douchebag.

This is Sean Hannity. He is also a television personality and not a reporter. Mr. Hannity actually dropped out of college twice before saying "fuck it, I'm going on talk radio..." He used to have a program with poor left wing punching bag Alan Colmes, which was basically an hour of Sean and his guests telling Colmes that he was a moron and was wrong about pretty much everything in his fail of an existence. A couple of years ago, Fox realized that people didn't really want to see the "Colmes" and the show became "Hannity" since then, it has become even more insane... the hour is now comprised of Sean Hannity trumpeting his insane, poorly researched, often FALSE accusations about our president or other Democrats surrounded by nodding "yes-men" who in many cases are crazier than he is.

This is Rush Limbaugh... Aside from being an opiate addict who never had to pay the price for committing massive amounts of medical fraud, he is a radio personality and *NOT* a reporter. In fact,the only thing of prestige that he has is his family background, personally, he is worthless. Educated? Hardly, dropped out his first year in college because it was easier to be a DJ on the radio. Yes folks, Rush Limbaugh (AKA Jeff Christie) is nothing more than an ex-disk jockey who decided to turn political commentator on a format with NO GUESTS (no one to disagree with him) and somehow found enough brain dead troglodytes or hateful people to propel him to greatness. One only needs to listen to Limbaugh for 10 minutes to find something either wrong, racist, or otherwise offensive. The man is a hateful bigot, don't believe me? Think I'm a "dirty liberal"? Well, here are a list of Rush Limbaugh quotes, I encourage you to do your own research if you think I am lying, they are quite real... These quotes by the way, were compiled by Casey Gane-McCalla and reported in NewsOne in 2008.

1. "I mean, let’s face it, we didn’t have slavery in this country for over 100 years because it was a bad thing. Quite the opposite: slavery built the South. I’m not saying we should bring it back; I’m just saying it had its merits. For one thing, the streets were safer after dark."

2. "You know who deserves a posthumous Medal of Honor? James Earl Ray [the confessed assassin of Martin Luther King]. We miss you, James. Godspeed."

3. "Have you ever noticed how all composite pictures of wanted criminals resemble Jesse Jackson?"

4. "Right. So you go into Darfur and you go into South Africa, you get rid of the white government there. You put sanctions on them. You stand behind Nelson Mandela — who was bankrolled by communists for a time, had the support of certain communist leaders. You go to Ethiopia. You do the same thing."

5. "Look, let me put it to you this way: the NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons. There, I said it."

6. "The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies."

7. "They’re 12 percent of the population. Who the hell cares?"

8. "Take that bone out of your nose and call me back (to an African American female caller)."

9. "I think the media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well. They’re interested in black coaches and black quarterbacks doing well. I think there’s a little hope invested in McNabb and he got a lot of credit for the performance of his team that he really didn’t deserve."

These people are *NOT* reporters, and there is no reason any rational and sane person would allow someone like this to bring them the "news". Entertainment programming? Sure, why the hell not, it's a free country and if people want to give these morons the time of day, it says more about them than about these three jackasses, but I take a certain amount of offense to them being called journalists. You see, Journalism is a college degree... People go to school, study, learn about ETHICS and about their sacred responsibility as journalists. Throughout this curriculum, which I am sure is just as loaded with bullshit as many other curricula are, Journalists are taught that they have a responsibility, and that their task should not be taken lightly. People count on them to have "journalistic integrity" and to research something before they say it. I have never, ever, heard a true newsman give their "opinion" on something, as that...is...not...their...goddamned...job. Their job is to observe and report the facts, not interject the news with bits about death panels and "Obamacare" (their word, not mine).

We sober minded people on the left have our Hannity/Beck... They are named Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert (and not even, it would be an insult to compare them, but it's the closest we've got). The main difference? They are on COMEDY CENTRAL and not on a so-called news network, and by the way, they research their material WAY more than Fox does. The reason Fox News has the highest ratings is because it is not (with very few exceptions, who get hidden away at obscure hours [looking at you Shep Smith]) news! Americans do not LIKE news, they like drama. If they liked news, they would listen to NPR, they do not. I do not want this to be missinterpreted as a polemic against the right, it isn't, CNN and MSNBC are *no* better... those two stations pander to the left or to morons. However, their reporters actually have degrees and experience, believe me, I looked up the usual cast of Characters trying to find left wing examples of this, (Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow, Wolf Blitzer, Campbell Brown, Anderson Cooper) and they all have degrees and/or professional News Bureau experience (talk radio does NOT count). (I'm sure Fox has some REAL reporters as well, don't get me wrong...)

Hannity and Glenn Beck do not report the news, and believe me, there is a LOT of news happening right now... What they do is pick a hot button issue and develop long segments of rhetoric centered around putting down the president. If CNN or MSNBC had to done to President Bush what Fox News does to President Obama, there would have been cries of "unpatriotic". What do they do? They invite ex-politicians, (Palin, Cheney, Huckabee, etc.) to use their 'street cred' to slander the sitting President. Nothing he does is right, everything is leading to the end of America... This is NO MORE news than the announcers on the WWF(E) are news anchors.

We should not allow these people to bring "news" into our homes, as it is a travesty of the sacred responsibility of the press. For the last decade and a half, the right has cried about the power of the "liberal media" because they don't like the stories coming out, unfortunately news is news, and not liking the reality is not an excuse to create a network dubbed "news" that does nothing but pander to one side and deliver trumped-up content designed to put asses in seats, stomachs in the throat, and brains in the back pocket.

Sadly, this is America, and freedom of the press means freedom for jackasses to abuse the press. Rupert Murdoch and Roger Ailes have done just that. And in beating the drum of liberty, often used to trick and subject the masses, they have carved out a niche for themselves among the legitimate news organizations and in essence stolen the true freedom from people. How? By refusing them the ONE responsibility of a true journalist, which is to objectively and without opinion deliver the FACTS. I know that undoubtedly someone will smugly exclaim "Hey, you do the SAME THING!" Well Sir/Madam, I also don't have a press pass, an audience of 4 million, and inexplicable credibility. What I give are my opinions, which to me, are fact. But I *NEVER* call what I do news...

Would you go to a surgeon with no medical degree because he "Has watched a lot of House MD"? Would you go to a lawyer without a degree because he's "seen law and order"? Would you hire your electrical contractor based on the fact he has helped install a few ceiling fans? Then why the fuck would you turn to someone with no experience or moral obligation to deliver what is going on in the world to bring you your news? There is no rational reason. These people are entertainers, and everything they say should be taken not with a grain of salt, but with a whole god damned salt shaker.

My List of the Top Five Movie Montages of All Time!

The word montage comes from the French word monter which means "to mount", according to Merriam's its primary definition is "the production of a rapid succession of images in a motion picture to illustrate an association of ideas". To me, the montage is an art form... Yes, it is also a device by which clever film makers, or the lazy, may cause time to pass or may illustrate change in anything from seasons, to success, to individual character development, but a well done montage will stay in a viewers memory longer than any movie quote! We may be loathe to admit it, but most of us have at least ONE movie montage from our youth (or even our adult life) that we'd secretly watch over and over again till the tape on the VHS wore thin and warped the image. Or, those of us with an imagination may remember making montages in our head, perhaps of ourselves, usually with the headphones on, pumping some rad 80's music. Being the first day of the new year, I am going to take a well-deserved break from my doomsaying and post something light hearted, here is my list of the top 5 movie montages of all time (with links!).

#5 The Karate Kid III - This one is a classic! Although Karate Kid III was probably the worst movie in the series, as a kid I still remember getting all emotional and pissed off when they threw Mr. Miyagi's bonsai tree down the cliff and it got all covered in salt water and nearly died! I wanted those bastards to get what was coming to them. This montage takes place right after those Cobra Kai douchebags taunt Miyagi and he kicks their ass. The amazing thing about the Karate Kid franchise is that every movie is comprised of the same exact story... Mr. Miyagi doesn't want Daniel-san to fight but eventually concedes when trouble arises and he is the only one who can stop it... at a Karate tournament.


#4 Kickboxer - What's not to love about the Muscles from Brussels, Jean Claude Van Damme in the 1989 feel good action movie "Kickboxer"? In this movie you have a nice American boy (with an odd accent) who travels to Thailand to train under a kickboxing master for the best possible reason... Revenge! The villainous Ton Po crippled his brother, who was strangely enough the actual Kickboxer in the movie. This is a good montage for several reasons, it splices serious training with a little humor and it has "ethnic music" so it sounds important. Music, is essential to any good montage, but more on that later!   


#3 Team America: World Police - If it weren't for the fact that montage #2 and #1 are so kick ass, this one would be at the top of my list... Why? Because it's a montage parodying montages! As usual, Matt Stone and Trey Parker prove their genius is way above "lowest common denominator" while being zestfully so! These two are among the most underrated social commentators of our time, and if people were able to get over the swearing and cartoony look of South Park they might see that. Though Team America may not be remembered by many as a great film, I thought it was great. Not as good as this montage, but it would be hard to be...   


#2 Scarface - Choosing between this montage and my #1 was a difficult choice, like deciding which of your children you love more, it is something you avoid but can only put off for so long... This montage has everything; a nice timeline, flashy stuff going on, The 80's hotness of sequined big haired women, and the song "Push it to the Limit" which is probably one of the most inspirational songs, because it urges you to push it to your limit! In this masterful montage we see the character of Tony Montana truly transform from Cuban Mariellito thug, into... well... rich Cuban Mariellito thug... But he's got a tiger, and that's something isn't it? Those of you from Miami may well get a nostalgic feeling looking at this video, especially the parts when he carries all that cash into the bank! Ah, AML, why did you ever come along and screw everything up?


(Sorry folks, no embed on this one... link only)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8g__x6ExM8





#1 Rocky IV - Hands down, this is the most bad-ass-awe-inspiring-kick-red-commie-ass-spectacular of a film montage. And honestly, after watching this, if you don't want to go out and shoot a Russian in the memory of Apollo Creed, then you should check yourself for a pulse... In the beginning, a cold Siberian morning, peasants and government spies, ice, sunrise, synthesizers, then that blazing distorted guitar comes in and absolutely tears your ass apart with it's sheer awesomeness. We are then treated to a solid 4 minutes of why America is the most powerful nation on earth (well it was true back then...) as we watch Rocky climb snowy mountains with a log on his back, as he pulls a sled with a fat guy on it, as he saws wood! As he freaking runs across snowy riverbanks and even picks up a god damned horse! Meanwhile, the evil Drago is shooting steroids into his butt cheeks and doing repetitive movements on complicated Russian equipment surrounded by scientists! This movie is great, because it actually has TWO separate training montages! But the other one, featuring the "hit" song "Hearts on Fire" is lame in comparison to this testosterone-laden feast of sheer  greatness. I think that if we all woke up to this every morning while we shaved/showered/dressed we'd all be more productive.